Can We Manage Change?
No. But that's not necessarily a bad thing.
I used to think that if I wished hard enough, got frustrated enough, planned enough, or worked hard enough, I could line up the world in ways that would make me and other people happy. That was my job, wasn’t it? My responsibility?
Only problem was, it never worked. Or not for very long, anyway. And since I’m the kind of person who likes to line up all the ingredients for baking a cake before I crack the first egg, I would lie awake at night, wondering how I could bring some order to life. Not just my personal life, but life.
But after living through divorce, losses of loved ones, and more presidential election cycles than I want to count, I get it. The world around us is always shifting. We can’t get all the ducks lined up. We can’t really manage change.
But here’s what we can do: we can manage ourselves in a changing world. And that might just be the greatest gift that comes from chaos and overwhelm—because knowing ourselves better is the key to finding real peace.
The Deep River Within
I’ve learned that, when everything feels uncertain, we won’t find stability outside ourselves. So where do we look? Inside. Not as an escape, but as a way to find the peace that isn’t available anywhere else.
This past weekend, I was part of the DSM Book Festival and had the chance to moderate a panel with author Joyce Rupp. She spoke about the “deep river” within us, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that image—a flow of peace inside us that never stops moving, never dries up, no matter what’s happening around us.
I know how scary it can be to turn inward to find that peace. And that’s why confusing times are so terrifying. If we don’t trust ourselves, where do we go? The world feels unstable, full of shifting circumstances and invisible enemies. But we’re often afraid to go within because we don’t want to face the things we carry—guilt, shame, regret, self-judgment.
So where do we feel safe?
Times of crisis force us to go inward, and ultimately, that’s where the answers are. You get to decide how you respond to change—whether you react with fear or peace, with doubt or trust. These are real choices, available to you every moment.
I don’t know what will bring you peace. But you do.
I don’t know what happiness looks like for you. But you do.
And you’ll only find those answers when you spend time with yourself—not with CNN, not scrolling social media, not waiting for the world to settle down before you exhale.
How to Find the Peace Within
Instead of trying to manage change, go inside. Here are some of my favorite ways:
1. Acknowledge your gifts. Think of five things you truly value about yourself—not external things, but who you are. Are you compassionate? Creative? A great listener? Someone who helps others see things in a new way? Don’t be shy—claim your gifts. They were given to you for a reason.
2. Watch the sunrise. Too simple, right? Simple, yes, but most meaningful things are. Each morning, take five minutes to look at the sunrise. Just look, with wonder and gratitude. If your mind starts spinning with worries or to-do lists, bring yourself back to gratitude and wonder. Those two things will take you everywhere you want to go.
3. Your choice. Maybe it’s journaling. Maybe it’s taking a deep breath before checking your phone in the morning. Maybe it’s letting yourself be instead of always doing. You know what you need. Give yourself permission to do it.
Let go of trying to control the uncontrollable. Instead, trust yourself. The peace you’re searching for is already within you—you just have to tap into it.
With blessings,
Deb
Join me on Thursday for a special book club discussion of my novel Twenty.
This spring marks the fifth anniversary of Twenty, a novel that, in its own way, is all about dealing with change. It was published in 2020, just as the pandemic took hold, and I heard from hundreds of readers who found comfort in it. Turns out it’s a great book for challenging times.
I’m celebrating the five-year anniversary with a one-hour free Zoom conversation. As a special thank you, I’ll be giving away copies of Twenty during the session!
Whether you’d like to share your thoughts or simply listen in, I’d love to have you be part of this meaningful conversation. It’s from 2 to 3 p.m. Central on Zoom, Thursday, March 27. Click here for all the details.
Julie Gammack and I are offering a Substack class in June.
My friend Julie, who founded the Substack Iowa Writers Collaborative, has helped more than 70 writers start Substack columns. We want to help you start one, too.
In June, we’re co-teaching a Story Summit class on Substack Success, designed to help you plan, start, grow, and monetize your very own Substack column.
Here’s a link to a conversation about it on her Iowa Potluck podcast yesterday:
And here’s a link to the class for more details: https://www.storysummit.us/substack-success
The more time I spend on Substack, both as a writer and reader, the more I appreciate it. It was designed as a platform to help writers share their voices and make a living at whatever level they choose, and it’s fulfilling its promise. If you have any desire to write—whether you want to build a career as a novelist or screenwriter or you want to share your family stories for your grandkids—this is an easy-to-use platform where you can find a home.
Check out the class. It’s going to be a lot of fun!
“A WORLD OF YOUR OWN” IS A READER-SUPPORTED PUBLICATION. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.
A NOTE TO MY READERS: I write “A World of Your Own” as a member of the Iowa Writers’ Collaborative, which is led by Julie Gammack, of Des Moines. I’m honored to be part of this group, featuring the diverse voices of more than 70 professional writers and journalists across the state of Iowa. I encourage you to check out their columns.