Happy Graduation
Dear Graduate,
I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, and at least 40 years separate us in age, but I have a feeling we’re not that different. Every generation gets a name, a label, a bad rap (is that phrase showing my age?), and every generation goes on to find solutions to seemingly unsolvable problems, along with creating new ones for the next generation to tackle.
Yes, things are changing, but they also stay the same. Just think about wedding ceremonies. Many of the rituals and language have been used for hundreds—even thousands—of years.
When I was an adolescent, people said, “Just be yourself.” My response, had I thought of it at the time, would have been, “I’d be happy to, if I only knew who that was.” I’m guessing that, like the word “betrothed” in the marriage ceremony, the adolescent identity crisis has not changed.
It took me many, many years to find out who and what I am. And I’m still learning. It’s a journey all of us are on, and we all take it at our own pace. For me, it took a divorce, quitting a corporate job and facing life on my own for the first time before I started to understand who I am.
Those hardships were my biggest gifts. That’s another thing that probably hasn’t changed. The worst times you go through are your greatest teachers—along with the people who annoy you most. The trick is choosing to see them that way.
In fact, choosing how you see things is the single most important thing I’ve learned. No matter where technology takes us or whether you live your life on Earth or on Mars, you’ll be choosing how to use the operating system of your own mind, heart and soul. So here, for what they’re worth, are some ways of seeing that I hope might help.
Value the things you can’t count. We’re trained to focus on numbers to measure our value. The number on the scale. In your paycheck. On your credit card. The number of years you’ve lived, how many awards you’ve won. How many pairs of shoes you have, or social media followers. Constant counting makes you feel like you never have enough. Invest in gratitude instead. It makes you feel like a million bucks.
Do what unifies instead of divides. Having enemies makes you weak. Fighting enemies makes you even weaker. Look for common ground and offer respect even to those you disagree with. You will feel the true power within you grow so you can be true to who and what you are.
Have compassion for those who believe the world is going to hell in a handbasket (another back-in-the-day expression). We create what we think. The world may feel miserable to them, but that doesn’t mean it has to be that way for you.
With all your heart and soul, choose joy. Overcome the world’s propensity to be suspicious or afraid of it. Don’t rely on the world to give it to you or believe that it’s a random gift that you only get to have once in a while. Claim it daily, like food and water. Know that it is in you, and carry it with you everywhere you go.
Give up trying to make everyone happy. It will exhaust and confuse you. Choose what makes you happy, and everyone else will benefit.
Forgive, forgive, forgive. And forget, forget, forget. Harboring grievances robs you of your own joy. That’s too high a price to pay. Set boundaries, commit to living from the power of love rather than the smallness of anger or victimhood, and move on.
Give up the need to be right. In any given moment, at least half the world is going to see things differently than you do. Speak up, share what you believe, inspire others—and appreciate other points of view. The world would be a boring place if everyone saw it the way you do.
Let other people live their lives. Only they can know what’s right for them. Remember that we’re always evolving. The nerdiest, most brilliant guy in our high school class showed up at our 20th high school reunion dating a supermodel. Just goes to show: people change. Let them.
Know that people are here to help you. Angels are everywhere. If you’re feeling alone, it’s not because no one cares, it’s probably because you don’t feel worthy of receiving their care. You ARE worthy. We all go through times that make us weep and hide and scream. Reach out to someone you trust—including a greater power—so you can find equilibrium in your life again.
Make your happiness unconditional. Find it inside yourself, not in what you have, who loves you, or in substances that make you forget who you are. You’re here to remember who you are in all your grandeur, curiosity, courage and big-hearted love. In my day, we had a bumper sticker that said, “Have you hugged your kids today?” Great message, but don’t limit it. Hug someone today. And don't forget to hug yourself.
You are a light in this world. Don’t let anyone—especially you—believe anything different. No matter what path you take, walk it with pride and shine your light like a beacon.
Happy graduation. Whether you believe it or not right now, the world is better because you’re here.
The Iowa Writers’ Collaborative
I’m delighted to be part of this group. Thank you for supporting this extraordinary group of writers.
Thanks for the enlightening essay. I shared it on the “You know you are from Humboldt-Dakota City” FB page for our local graduates (today is graduation here).
Beautiful!