How Do We See Peace Instead?
At a time of year when we focus on peace, it’s easy to see its opposite everywhere we look. We’ve heard phrases like, “Be the change you want to be in the world” and “Peace begins with me.” But how? How do we focus less on the world around us and more on the peace within us?
To delve into this a bit, here’s an excerpt from my book Be the Light that You Are and a chapter on letting go of judgment.
We hear the word “oneness,” and even phrases like “there’s only one of us here.” But what does that mean? What are we to do with that?
Think of it this way: Have you ever tried to separate air from itself?
Ever tried to grab a little oxygen and hold it in your hand? Or trap some O2 inside a jar or in a balloon?
It always finds a way back to being part of the atmosphere.
No matter how you try to separate it from all the other air, it’s still part of the same whole.
Spiritual teachings are consistent in saying nothing can separate us from the Love of Spirit/Source/Universe—or from one another—because we, like oxygen, are always a part of that Love.
All of us. All in it together.
It’s a hard concept to grasp because our human minds are so used to how things look, with their distinct shapes and forms. Your mother seems separate from your daughter. Your dog seems separate from the squirrel it chases. You and your BFF appear to be distinct and, with an occasional disagreement, divided.
After all, everyone has a different body, a unique personality, an individual story.
But all of us are part of the same vast atmosphere of Love. Inseparable, indefinable, unchangeable.
This is where we realize there is no enemy, there is no other.
This is where we come to understand that everyone in our lives—especially those who challenge us and make us uncomfortable—are our master teachers, because they give us the opportunity to heal what’s in us, not what’s in them.
This is where the Golden Rule is not just a guide for compassion, but an acknowledgment that there’s only one of us here.
This is where we realize that judgment of others is the same as judging ourselves, and vice versa.
And this is where we realize that, since we are all One, conflict between one and another is not our true nature.
The belief in separation is the root of all fear. We know we “shouldn’t” judge, yet we do it without thinking, as automatically and unconsciously as breathing. We see a photo of someone, and we immediately make judgments based on their appearance. We see the condition of someone’s car and make judgments about their character.
If we say we believe in divine love and want to grow as spiritual beings but we’re still judging ourselves and others, then we’re negating the very nature of divine love itself. You can’t have it both ways.
Either we’re separate and different and the other, or we’re all one collective whole, and if we judge somebody else, we’re judging ourselves and others. The world would change in an instant if we really got this. And your whole world can change in an instant when you get this.
Want to know one of the fastest ways to remember what you are? Send a little love to your “enemies.” When you do that, you know the love is not coming from outside yourself, so it must be coming from you and Source energy. That means you are light. You are love. The ego’s version of “love your enemies” is do it even though they may trample you and take advantage of you. “Take the higher road and love them anyway.” That’s not it. Love your enemies so you will remember the love that you are.
Want an indivisible world? Become indivisible in yourself. Stop carving yourself up into little pieces through judgment, self doubt and fear. Accept and love all of who you are. No exceptions.
Love your hair color. Love your weight. Love the decisions you’ve made, even the ones you’d do differently. Love your mistakes, your voice, your strength, what you consider your weaknesses. Love your successes and what you call your failures. Love it all. Then you will truly be indivisible. And think of what peace there is in that.
When you look at others, you’re not seeing them. You’re seeing a reflection of what you believe about them. One person looks at a politician and sees a savior, an upstanding citizen, a reasonable man with good ideas. Another person looks at the same politician and sees a crook and a manipulator who is out only for himself.
Similarly, one person looks at a junkyard and sees a blight and defilement of the land. Another person looks at the same junkyard as a field of treasures that may yield exactly the part he needs to restore his ’77 Chevy.
The difference isn’t in the person or the junkyard. It’s in the beholder. We bring meaning to everything in our life. And if we’re going to live on a planet with billions of people who all see things through their own preferences, we either get comfortable with that diversity or we will always be divided.
The good thing is, you don’t have to share other people’s preferences. You just have to see the light in yourself and others, and the judgments of those preferences will no longer have the power to interrupt your peace.
What changes in your life when you give up judgment and operate from an understanding of oneness?
• You become more honest because you were never capable of judging anyway. When you adopt a neutral position and don’t judge, you allow a higher knowing to flow through you.
• You no longer feel the pain, struggle and loneliness that come from judging yourself and others.
• You become more aware of the thoughts you send into the world, and you work with Spirit more intentionally to send messages that support rather than diminish.
• You stop wishing other people would change to make you happy.
• You stop hating the people who look and live differently than you do.
• You see our digital world as an external representation of our oneness, making you more likely to use it to build a better world rather than using it to judge or blame others and act from fear.
• You match your thoughts and your actions. You’ll bring much more peace to everyone—including yourself—if you can be at peace in your own thoughts first, then take that into the world through words and actions.
As you read this, you’re likely to encounter unique stumbling blocks or fears. You may feel societal or family pressure to “stick to your own kind.” Fear of breaking out of the family or cultural norms. Fear of people thinking you’re naïve or you’re a Pollyanna. And how do you make good decisions if you’re not judging?
There’s a difference between judgment and discernment. We’re making decisions and choosing and discerning constantly. What to wear today? What to eat? Which route to take to work?
We’re not talking about giving up all discernment.
Getting on a bus at 1 a.m. in a neighborhood known for gang violence is probably not good judgment, even though you may abandon judging the gang members and see them through the eyes of love.
Driving through a blizzard is probably not good judgment, even though you may abandon judging other drivers and their driving skills and send positive thoughts for their safe travels.
In other words, we can always choose discernment rather than judgment.
In the world of nonviolent activism, there’s a principle that says, “Build relationship rather than victory.” Spirit and the higher Self within us build relationship and connection, while our ego wants to win.
Winning, of course, can look a lot of different ways—everything from making someone feel small or ashamed to having the last word.
But unity looks one way: Everyone involved feels honored and uplifted.
We can see unity even in competition. Good sportsmanship, for instance, means that the winning team may go home with the trophy, but they see the other team as honorable opponents.
When you view everyday situations as an opportunity to build relationship rather than victory, you’ll see them in a different light.
Think of a change you want to see in your household, workplace or community. Hold that vision, detach from the need to win and focus on building relationships instead.
When you relinquish judgment, you set aside all expectations. You let things—and especially people—be as they are.
The pain and fear and struggle and loneliness we feel in this life is there because we judge. Lay down judgment, and you can see peace instead.
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Love this post, Debra. Thank you.