We Don't Do That Here
Your clarity can change the world.
A few years ago, I witnessed one of the shortest and most memorable conversations of my life.
At a casual gathering, someone began to tear into a public figure. I didn’t disagree with what they were saying, and I don’t think most of the people there did either—including the host.
And yet the host quickly and very clearly said, “We don’t do that here.”
Five words. That was it.
He didn’t mean we don’t talk about this. He didn’t even mean I disagree with you. He meant, we don’t talk about people this way.
The energy in the room shifted to a neutral zone. It wasn’t about whether the public figure deserved respect or not, but about the power in each of us to choose. Will we be part of the nastiness or stand for something better?
The host’s five words spoke volumes: “You can express your opinions, but as long as you’re in my house, you’re not going to use them for attack, to make yourself right, or because you think it’s okay to tear down another human being.”
We don’t do that here.
Ever since, I’ve carried those words with me.
As our host showed us, you don’t have to shout those words for them to carry weight. And they don’t require force of any kind. In fact, the miraculous power of those five words is in the quiet clarity that cuts through the shouting and changes minds with sheer will. Those words wake us up to who we are.
Reducing each other to labels, insults, or enemies?
We don’t do that here.
Blaming others and taking no responsibility?
We don’t do that here.
Abusing others or staying in an abusive relationship?
We don’t do that here.
Using force to bend other people to your will?
We don’t do that here.
Threatening people because you feel small?
We don’t do that here.
Judging people for being judgmental?
We don’t do that here.
With so much allegiance to fear going on in the world, I understand people asking, “When will it end? But that’s a question of helplessness.
And you are not helpless.
The fear will end when we’re really done with chaos. But that means the phrase has to live in us first.
If I’m being rude, anxious, or wrapped in the story of being a victim, I have to pause and say, We don’t do that here.
If I see someone being bullied or catch myself being a bully, I have to step in and say, We don’t do that here.
If I’m beating myself up, replaying old mistakes, questioning my own worth, or feeling powerless, I have to meet myself with the same boundary: We don’t do that here.
A few people in positions of “power” don’t actually hold the power unless we agree to see it that way. Real power begins in the mind. And when enough minds choose Love over fear, the world has to follow.
The key is, this only works when it’s not rooted in fear.
If it comes from anger, it becomes another form of attack, and it invites more attack.
If it comes from fear, it becomes another version of defense, and it’s weak instead of strong.
But delivered with crystal clarity from the best part of who we are, those five words can move mountains, shutting down the battle altogether by standing in a place that doesn’t need to fight.
Love doesn’t shout, threaten, or cower. Love simply knows that true power comes from authority, and the greatest authority of all is Love.
You have the authority. You can put it to use every day.
As countless people demonstrate, Love can look like driving immigrants to their places of work, bringing someone food when they’re struggling, taking care of each other’s children, or sending an encouraging text. And if someone threatens you for it, meet them with a calm, steady gaze and say, “We don’t do that here.”
To those who collaborate with Spirit, Love can also look like holding the presence of peace within you and radiating it out to wider and wider circles. If someone criticizes you and says, “You’re wasting your time,” meet them with Love and say, “We don’t do that here.”
If you’re angry, forge that energy into clarity. If you’re peaceful, let that peace become steady and unshakeable.
I’ve learned that, if you want things to be different, start in your own inner world. Switch to peace there. Then carry it with you wherever you go.
From that place—not in attack or defense, but in truth—look directly at fear, cruelty, and harm.
And say, simply and clearly, “We don’t do that here.”
With blessings,
Deb
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A NOTE TO MY READERS: I write “A World of Your Own” as a member of the Iowa Writers’ Collaborative, which is led by Julie Gammack, of Des Moines. I’m honored to be part of this group, featuring the diverse voices of more than 70 professional writers and journalists across the state of Iowa. I encourage you to check out their columns.
Beautiful! I’m adding these to my word basket! Thank you!
We're always in sync Debra. I was met with what I'd call an accusatory, judgmental character assassination emails the past two days. Each time I responded with facts, and accurate timelines. I was proud of myself for staying true to what I believe in most: Integrity. For myself, my business, and the other person in spite of how I was being treated. Now reading your post, I'm reminded that without saying it, I stood for, "We don't do that here." Thank you.